the Prophet said, “He who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways and traditions of the Days of Ignorance is not one of us.”
Narrated ‘Amir bin Sad bin Abi Waqqas:
That his father said, “In the year of the last Hajj of the Prophet I became seriously ill and the Prophet used to visit me inquiring about my health. I told him, ‘I am reduced to this state because of illness and I am wealthy and have no inheritors except a daughter, (In this narration the name of ‘Amir bin Sad is mentioned and in fact it is a mistake; the narrator is ‘Aisha bint Sad bin Abi Waqqas). Should I give two-thirds of my property in charity?’ He said, ‘No.’ I asked, ‘Half?’ He said, ‘No.’ then he added, ‘One-third, and even one-third is much. You’d better leave your inheritors wealthy rather than leaving them poor, begging others. You will get a reward for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake, even for what you put in your wife’s mouth.’ I said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! Will I be left alone after my companions have gone?’ He said, ‘If you are left behind, whatever good deeds you will do will up-grade you and raise you high. And perhaps you will have a long life so that some people will be benefited by you while others will be harmed by you. O Allah! Complete the emigration of my companions and do not turn them renegades.’ But Allah’s Apostle felt sorry for poor Sad bin Khaula as he died in Mecca.” (but Sad bin Abi Waqqas lived long after the Prophet (p.b.u.h).)
The Prophet said, “He who slaps the cheeks, tears the clothes and follows the tradition of the Days of Ignorance is not from us.”
The Prophet said, “He who slaps the cheeks, tears the clothes and follows the traditions of the Days of Ignorance is not from us.”
When the Prophet got the news of the death of Ibn Haritha, Ja’far and Ibn Rawaha he sat down and looked sad and I was looking at him through the chink of the door. A man came and told him about the crying of the women of Ja’far. The Prophet ordered him to forbid them. The man went and came back saying that he had told them but they did not listen to him. The Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, “Forbid them.” So again he went and came back for the third time and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! By Allah, they did not listen to us at all.” (‘Aisha added): Allah’s Apostle ordered him to go and put dust in their mouths. I said, (to that man) “May Allah stick your nose in the dust (i.e. humiliate you)! You could neither (persuade the women to) fulfill the order of Allah’s Apostle nor did you relieve Allah’s Apostle from fatigue. “
Shaykh Abdul Aziz ibn Baaz said:
With regard to wailing and listening, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade wailing and said: “There are four matters of jaahiliyyah that exist among my ummah and they will not give them up: boasting about one’s forefathers, casting aspersions upon people’s lineages, seeking rain by the stars and wailing for the dead.” And he said: “If the woman who wails does not repent before she dies, she will be raised on the Day of Resurrection wearing pants of tar and a chemise of scabs.” Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh.
So the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) explained that wailing for the dead is a blameworthy act of jaahiliyyah and it must not be done. Umm ‘Atiyyah said: The Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) took a pledge from us when we swore allegiance, that we would not wail. And Abu Dawood (may Allah have mercy on him) narrated in his Sunan from Abu Sa‘eed (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he cursed the woman who wails and the one who listen to her. There is some weakness in its isnaad, but there is corroborating evidence for its meaning, so wailing is haraam and reprehensible, and it is not permissible for a woman to be involved in wailing, or for a man to do that either.
Wailing refers to raising the voice when weeping and saying, “O my support, O one who clothed me, O how sad I am” and so on. The one who listens is the woman who listens to the ones who are wailing and encourages them, so she sits with them and encourages them to wail. This is included because sitting with them is a kind of encouragement. So it is not permissible to listen to them. If the one who is wailing will not be quiet, it is obligatory to leave her and not sit with her, by way of shunning her and denouncing her. If a woman sits with her and listens to her, this is a kind of help and encouragement.
So it is not permissible to listen to one who is wailing; rather she should denounce her and tell her not to do that. If she stops, all well and good, otherwise you should leave her and not sit with her and listen to her. End quote.
Extra reading: the believer’s attitude towards calamities.
Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Ubaidullah bin Abi Mulaika:
One of the daughters of ‘Uthman died at Mecca. We went to attend her funeral procession. Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn Abbas were also present. I sat in between them (or said, I sat beside one of them. Then a man came and sat beside me.) ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar said to ‘Amr bin ‘Uthman, “Will you not prohibit crying as Allah’s Apostle has said, ‘The dead person is tortured by the crying of his relatives.?” Ibn Abbas said, “Umar used to say so.” Then he added narrating, “I accompanied Umar on a journey from Mecca till we reached Al-Baida. There he saw some travelers in the shade of a Samura (A kind of forest tree). He said (to me), “Go and see who those travelers are.” So I went and saw that one of them was Suhaib. I told this to ‘Umar who then asked me to call him. So I went back to Suhaib and said to him, “Depart and follow the chief of the faithful believers.” Later, when ‘Umar was stabbed, Suhaib came in weeping and saying, “O my brother, O my friend!” (on this ‘Umar said to him), “O Suhaib! Are you weeping for me while the Prophet said, “The dead person is punished by some of the weeping of his relatives?” Ibn Abbas added, “When ‘Umar died I told all this to Aisha and she said, ‘May Allah be merciful to Umar. By Allah, Allah’s Apostle did not say that a believer is punished by the weeping of his relatives. But he said, Allah increases the punishment of a non-believer because of the weeping of his relatives.” Aisha further added, “The Quran is sufficient for you (to clear up this point) as Allah has stated: ‘No burdened soul will bear another’s burden.’ ” (35.18). Ibn Abbas then said, “Only Allah makes one laugh or cry.” Ibn Umar did not say anything after that.
(the wife of the Prophet) Once Allah’s Apostle passed by (the grave of) a Jewess whose relatives were weeping over her. He said, “They are weeping over her and she is being tortured in her grave.”
Narrated Abu Burda:
That his father said, “When Umar was stabbed, Suhaib started crying: O my brother! ‘Umar said, ‘Don’t you know that the Prophet said: The deceased is tortured for the weeping of the living’?”
I heard the Prophet saying, “Ascribing false things to me is not like ascribing false things to anyone else. Whosoever tells a lie against me intentionally then surely let him occupy his seat in Hell-Fire.” I heard the Prophet saying, “The deceased who is wailed over is tortured for that wailing.”
Narrated Ibn ‘Umar from his father:
The Prophet said, “The deceased is tortured in his grave for the wailing done over him.”
The deceased is tortured for the wailing of the living ones over him.
So? Is the deceased person tormented because of his family’s crying for him? What follows is an abridged version of the answer to the question at hand. If you’re troubled by the apparent contradiction between the first Hadith on this post and the others, go through this link thoroughly. :)
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: What is the meaning of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The believer is tormented because of his family’s crying for him?”
What it means is that if his family cries for him, he will know of that and will feel pain. It does not mean that Allaah will punish him for that because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another” [al-An’aam 6:164]. Torment is not necessarily a punishment. Have you not heard the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Travel is a kind of torment”? Travel is not a kind of punishment, but a person suffers torment and exhaustion during it. Similarly, when the deceased person’s family weeps for him, he suffers pain and is upset by that, even though that is not a punishment from Allaah. This interpretation of the hadeeth is quite clear and does not cause any confusion. There is no need to say that this has to do with one who left instructions that they wail for him, or one whose family’s custom was to wail but he did not tell them not to do that. Rather we say that a person may be tormented by something but it doesn’t harm him. End quote.
Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 17/408
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet passed by a woman who was weeping beside a grave. He told her to fear Allah and be patient. She said to him, “Go away, for you have not been afflicted with a calamity like mine.” And she did not recognize him. Then she was informed that he was the Prophet. So she went to the house of the Prophet and there she did not find any guard. Then she said to him, “I did not recognize you.” He said, “Verily, the patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.”
Yeah, re-read that last line and memorize it!
Narrated Usama bin Zaid:
The daughter of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) sent (a messenger) to the Prophet requesting him to come as her child was dying (or was gasping), but the Prophet returned the messenger and told him to convey his greeting to her and say: “Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world) and so she should be patient and hope for Allah’s reward.” She again sent for him, swearing that he should come. The Prophet got up, and so did Sad bin ‘Ubada, Muadh bin Jabal, Ubai bin Ka’b, Zaid bin Thabit and some other men. The child was brought to Allah’s Apostle while his breath was disturbed in his chest (the sub-narrator thinks that Usama added: ) as if it was a leather water-skin. On that the eyes of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) started shedding tears. Sad said, “O Allah’s Apostle! What is this?” He replied, “It is mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves, and Allah is merciful only to those of His slaves who are merciful (to others).
Imagine a grandfather saying that about his grandchild:
Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world) and so she should be patient and hope for Allah’s reward.
Does it mean he didn’t love the kid? Does it mean he didn’t care for him/her? No, it simply means he was being realistic. He wanted his daughter to be patient when the calamity strikes, i.e., when the child dies. She should remember the reward that Allah has promised on being patient.
And yet, when he took the child in his own hands, his eyes began to tear up. And now the companion asks him why he’s crying when he was telling his daughter to be patient just a while ago? And he tells him it’s mercy. Allah has put mercy in our hearts so we feel the pain of others.
Point is, it’s not wrong to cry while going through a tough situation. It’s our tongue and other body parts that we need to hold back. Not saying anything that denotes ungratefulness and not doing anything of the sort. THAT’s patience.
Narrated ‘Aisha (the wife of the Prophet):
I had seen my parents following Islam since I attained the age of puberty. Not a day passed but the Prophet visited us, both in the mornings and evenings. My father Abu Bakr thought of building a mosque in the courtyard of his house and he did so. He used to pray and recite the Qur’an in it. The pagan women and their children used to stand by him and look at him with surprise. Abu Bakr was a softhearted person and could not help weeping while reciting the Quran. The chiefs of the Quraish pagans became afraid of that (i.e. that their children and women might be affected by the recitation of Quran).”
Listen to this:
Qur’an is the Word of Allah. It is a miracle, a cure, mercy, guidance, reminder. It can make you cry and smile at the same time. It gives you solutions for your problems. It’s a real companion, if only you try befriending it!