The importance Islam places on family system and values is widely known. A family is the basic unit of a society and hence affects the latter directly. Strong family ties mean a strong society and so on. There are innumerable benefits of this strength; peace, unity, empathy, emotional stability, respect and improved health to name a few. Similarly, weakness in family ties and relationships reflect on the society as a whole. One would find chaos, selfishness, suffering relationships, trust issues etc. in such a community.
The following two ahadith are examples of how Islam enforces family system and one’s right to belong to their family and to be known as their own father’s son/daughter. If someone intentionally tries to change the identity of a person, the consequences can be severe.
Volume 4, Book 56, Number 711 :
Narrated by Abu Dhar (radiallaahu `anhu)
The Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) said, “If somebody claims to be the son of any other than his real father knowingly, he but disbelieves* in Allah, and if somebody claims to belong to some folk to whom he does not belong, let such a person take his place in the (Hell) Fire.”
*”Disbelief” (kufr) in Arabic is also used for ungratefulness.
Volume 4, Book 56, Number 712 :
Narrated by Wathila bin Al-Asqa (radiallaahu `anhu)
Allah’s Apostle (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) said, “Verily, one of the worst lies is to claim falsely to be the son of someone other than one’s real father, or to claim to have had a dream one has not had, or to attribute to me what I have not said.”
Changing one’s lineage is an example of this. In areas where the hierarchy of castes and tribes still exist, people try to “switch” to a superior one just for a higher social status and better connections. This is wrong. It can lead to multiple issues of identity, marriage and inheritance.
Takeaway from this? Know your father (and family by extension).
Wrote this piece for Dr. Kanwal Kaisser to be published on the website made by herself and her team about parenting kids, named Hamaray Bachay. It’s been a while since this has been on their website so I thought I’d post it here too. You can find it under the tab of “Youth Talent Corner” on their website.
So how do you behave?
When your child comes home…
After a long active day
With all those stories to be told!
He doesn’t need your money
Not even a single dime
He just wants some love
And a few minutes of your precious time
But if you can’t even give that
Then you must be really rude
So when you watch him turn
Into a dude with attitude
You start getting angry
And you wonder why he’s so rude?!
You start asking yourself questions like
Where did I go wrong?
I taught him about Allah and His Prophet
But he hangs out with girls and listens to songs!
And when he starts to earn
Then he starts to ignore
Comes late every night
While in your sleep you snore
Then when you get old
And start getting pension
You’ll have everything
But not his attention
And then you’ll start to see
What your child really needed
He needed your attention
While you only feeded…
And if this made you see your life in flashes
You better start working on those minor clashes
Instead of thinking on why the conversation never starts
Bow down to Allah, the turner of hearts
He sends astray whom HE wants
And guides whom HE wills
Start praying for your child right now
So with love and mercy your hearts, He fills
And it all comes back to
How one behaves
Because Allah is not merciful to those
Who are not merciful to His slaves!
Narrated Ma’n bin Yazid:
My grandfather, my father and I gave the pledge of allegiance to Allah’s Apostle. The Prophet got me engaged and then got me married. One day I went to the Prophet with a complaint. My father Yazid had taken some gold coins for charity and kept them with a man in the mosque (to give them to the poor) But I went and took them and brought them to him (my father). My father said, “By Allah! I did not intend to give them to you. ” I took (the case) to Allah’s Apostle . On that Allah’s Apostle said, “O Yazid! You will be rewarded for what you intended. O Man! Whatever you have taken is yours.”
Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath:
It is as if he did not think that it was acceptable to give charity to his son, or that it was better to give charity to strangers, but the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained to him that he would have what he intended, because his intention was to give charity to one who was in need, and his son needed it, so it went to the right place, even if it had never crossed his mind that he would take it. And he explained to his son that he had the right to keep what he had taken, because he had taken it in a lawful manner and he needed it. End quote (2/292).
1. This Hadith leads us to the conclusion that if Sadaqah (charity), goes to a needy son of a Muslim, there is no need to take it back from him for the reason that the father had intended to give it to a deserving person. The former gets the reward for it on account of his Niyyah (intention). This however, will be reckoned as Nafli Sadaqah (voluntary charity) because the obligatory Zakat (Sadaqah) cannot be given to the donor’s own dependents.
2. It is permissible in Shari`ah to make someone a Wakil (attorney or agent) for Sadaqah.
3. It does not amount to disobedience on the part of a son to take his father to a competent authority or scholar to know the legal position on any issue, in the same way, as mutual discussion and debate on matters of Shari`ah does not amount to insolence.
(Fath Al-Bari, chapter on Zakat).
Fiqh of the Hadith:
- The hadith contains the permissibility of proclaiming the heavenly (Lordly) gifts and mentioning the favors of Allaah.
- The permissibility of appointing someone else to distribute charity, especially the optional charity, because this contains an aspect of concealing one’s identity.
- It is permissible to act upon general statements taking them as general, It is permissible for the father and son to seek judgement [concerning a mutual dispute] and that this, in and of itself, is not to be considered disrespect and disobedience [on the part of the son].
- The one who is giving charity has the reward of what he intended even if the charity reaches those who do not deserve it.
- The father does not have the right to take back charity that he has given to his son, but this is not the case with a gift.
And you can read about spending (charity) on the family here.
Narrated Ibn Abbas:
The Prophet said, “Allah has made Mecca a sanctuary (sacred place) and it was a sanctuary before me and will be so after me. It was made legal for me (to fight in it) for a few hours of the day. None is allowed to uproot its thorny shrubs or to cut its trees or to chase its game or to pick up its fallen things except by a person who announces it publicly.” On that Al-Abbas said (to the Prophet), “Except Al-Idhkhir for our goldsmiths and for our graves.” And so the Prophet added, “Except Al-Idhkhir. ” And Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet said, “Except Al-Idhkhir for our graves and houses.” And Ibn Abbas said, “For their goldsmiths and houses.”
Hadith no. 1131 (above) is a repeat. Read it here.
Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah:
Allah’s Apostle came to Abdullah bin Ubai (a hypocrite) after his death and he has been laid in his pit (grave). He ordered (that he be taken out of the grave) and he was taken out. Then he placed him on his knees and threw some of his saliva on him and clothed him in his (the Prophet’s) own shirt. Allah knows better (why he did so). ‘Abdullah bin Ubai had given his shirt to Al-Abbas to wear. Abu Harun said, “Allah’s Apostle at that time had two shirts and the son of ‘Abdullah bin Ubai said to him, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! Clothe my father in your shirt which has been in contact with your skin.’ ‘ Sufyan added, “Thus people think that the Prophet clothed ‘Abdullah bin Tubal in his shirt in lieu of what he (Abdullah) had done (for Al Abbas, the Prophet’s uncle.)”
Hadith no. 1132 (above) is also a repeat. Read it here.
About Jabir (RA)’s father..
When the time of the Battle of Uhud approached, my father called me at night and said, “I think that I will be the first amongst the companions of the Prophet to be martyred. I do not leave anyone after me dearer to me than you, except Allah’s Apostle’s soul and I owe some debt and you should repay it and treat your sisters favorably (nicely and politely).” So in the morning he was the first to be martyred and was buried along with another (martyr). I did not like to leave him with the other (martyr) so I took him out of the grave after six months of his burial and he was in the same condition as he was on the day of burial, except a slight change near his ear.
A man was buried along with my father and I did not like it till I took him (i.e. my father) out and buried him in a separate grave.
Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah:
The Prophet collected every two martyrs of Uhud (in one grave) and then he would ask, “Which of them knew the Quran more?” And if one of them was pointed out for him as having more knowledge, he would put him first in the Lahd. The Prophet said, “I will be a witness on these on the Day of Resurrection.” Then he ordered them to be buried with their blood on their bodies and he did not have them washed.
- Digging up the grave of a deceased person – not allowed. There are certain conditions in this matter. Read this for details.
- Burying two persons in the same grave – not allowed, unless it’s a necessity (as was after Uhud). Details to be found in the link above.
- Does the Earth disintegrate the bodies of martyrs? Some say yes, some say it was exclusive to the martyrs of Uhud only. And Allah knows best.
- How to advise your son about dealing with affairs after your death? Learn it from Abdullah (RA) [Jabir (RA)’s father]:
“I do not leave anyone after me dearer to me than you, except Allah’s Apostle’s soul and I owe some debt and you should repay it and treat your sisters favorably (nicely and politely).”
- He was leaving behind his whole family, but he asked Jabir (RA) to take care of his most beloved person – Prophet (SAW). <3
- He was worried about the debts that he hadn’t paid yet. Seems like he was way too eager to meet Allah, and that too, after finishing all worldly matters.
- He admonishes Jabir (RA) to take care of his sisters afterwards.
Note that Jabir (RA) was about seventeen years old at that time. Respecting his father’s wishes, he married an older woman, hoping that she’ll be like a mother to his sisters. He was young, he could’ve married someone his own age, to enjoy his life. And that’s exactly what Prophet (SAW) said to him..
Jabir b. Abdillah reported that once he was on an expedition with the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam, and when they were close to the city of Madinah, he sped on his mount. The Prophetsalla Allahu alayhi wa sallam asked him why he was in such a hurry to return home. Jabir replied, “I am recently married!” The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam asked, “To an older lady or a younger one?” [the Arabic could also read: “To a widow or a virgin?”], to which he replied, “A widow.” The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “But why didn’t you marry a younger girl, so that you could play with her, and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh, and she could make you laugh?” He said, “O Messenger of Allah! My father died a martyr at Uhud, leaving behind daughters, so I did not wish to marry a young girl like them, but rather an older one who could take care of them and look after them.” The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wa salam replied, “You have made the correct choice… Jabir said, “So when we were about to enter the city, the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallamsaid to me, ‘Slow down, and enter at night, so that she who has not combed may comb her hair, and she who has not shaved may shave her private area.’ Then he said to me, ‘When you enter upon her, then be wise and gentle.'”
[Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim]
This is the last post from Book 9: Virtues of the Prayer Hall and the Sutrah. Tomorrow, Kitaab Mawaqeet-us-Salah (Book of Times of Prayers) starts inshaAllah.
Narrated Abu Qatada Al-Ansari:
Allah’s Apostle was praying and he was carrying Umama the daughter of Zainab, the daughter of Allah’s Apostle and she was the daughter of ‘As bin Rabi’a bin ‘AbduShams. When he prostrated, he put her down and when he stood, he carried her (on his neck).
There’s another post in this reference. Make sure to check it out as well.
Narrated ‘Amr bin Maimuin:
‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud said, “While Allah’s Apostle was praying beside the Ka’ba, there were some Quraish people sitting in a gathering. One of them said, ‘Don’t you see this (who does deeds just to show off)? Who amongst you can go and bring the dung, blood and the abdominal contents (intestines etc.) of the slaughtered camels of the family of so and so and then wait till he prostrates and put that in between his shoulders?’ The most unfortunate amongst them (‘Uqba bin Abi Mu’ait) went (and brought them) and when Allah’s Apostle prostrated, he put them between his shoulders. The Prophet remained in prostration and they laughed so much so that they fell on each other. A passerby went to Fatima, who was a young girl in those days. She came running and the Prophet was still in prostration. She removed them and cursed upon the Quraish on their faces. When Allah’s Apostle completed his prayer, he said, ‘O Allah! Take revenge on Quraish.’ He said so thrice and added, ‘O Allah! take revenge on ‘Amr bin Hisham, ‘Utba bin Rabia, Shaiba bin Rabi’a, Al-Walid bin’Utba, Umaiya bin Khalaf, ‘Uqba bin Abi Mu’ait and ‘Umar a bin Al-Walid.” Abdullah added, “By Allah! I saw all of them dead in the battle field on the day of Badr and they were dragged and thrown in the Qalib (a well) at Badr. Allah’s Apostle then said, ‘Allah’s curse has descended upon the people of the Qalib (well)’.
This narration melts one’s heart; how the infidels were so cruel to the Prophet (SAW), laughing at him; and how Prophet (SAW)’s daughter, Fatima (RA), has the courage to defend her father when men of strength held back due to fear of insult and persecution; and how, a few years later, at Badr, Allah (SWT) defends His slave, Muhammad (SAW), by punishing all those Quraish leaders.
I do not possess the skill of putting my thoughts into words very well. (A blessing in disguise, really!) But I guess a daughter’s love for her father cannot be put into words at all.
Words may be more perfect, but emotions are sublime. –Hassan Adnan