La Tahzan (Don’t be sad)

Idea started from a single SMS of consolation and title suggested by brother Omer.

Alhamdulillah for the roof over my head,
Alhamdulillah for this slice of bread,
When life seems hard and moments are tense
And your past is a story you’d rather forget
Look around you at the things that you own
All the blessings with which you’ve grown.
But don’t forget those around you
Who, unlike you, have so few.
Hold the hand of those who are frail,
Look into their eyes and feel their pain,
Doing so makes you realise its true,
There are many hurting more than you.
So be grateful for all that you have
And snub Satan who makes you sad.

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Sadness, Tears and Wailing.. (Ahadith 1086 – 1092)

Bismillah.

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 387:

Narrated Anas:

When the reciters of Quran were martyred, Allah’s Apostle recited Qunut for one month and I never saw him (i.e. Allah’s Apostle) so sad as he was on that day.

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 388:

Narrated Anas bin Malik:

One of the sons of Abu Talha became sick and died and Abu Talha at that time was not at home. When his wife saw that he was dead, she prepared him (washed and shrouded him) and placed him somewhere in the house. When Abu Talha came, he asked, “How is the boy?” She said, “The child is quiet and I hope he is in peace.” Abu Talha thought that she had spoken the truth. Abu Talha passed the night and in the morning took a bath and when he intended to go out, she told him that his son had died, Abu Talha offered the (morning) prayer with the Prophet and informed the Prophet of what happened to them. Allah’s Apostle said, “May Allah bless you concerning your night. (That is, may Allah bless you with good offspring).” Sufyan said, “One of the Ansar said, ‘They (i.e. Abu Talha and his wife) had nine sons and all of them became reciters of the Quran (by heart).’ “

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 389:

Narrated Anas:

The Prophet said, “The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.”

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 390:

Narrated Anas bin Malik:

We went with Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah’s Apostle took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif’s house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h) started shedding tears. ‘Abdur Rahman bin ‘Auf said, “O Allah’s Apostle, even you are weeping!” He said, “O Ibn ‘Auf, this is mercy.” Then he wept more and said, “The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation.”

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 391:

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar :

Sad bin ‘Ubada became sick and the Prophet along with ‘Abdur Rahman bin ‘Auf, Sad bin Abi Waqqas and ‘Abdullah bin Masud visited him to enquire about his health. When he came to him, he found him surrounded by his household and he asked, “Has he died?” They said, “No, O Allah’s Apostle.” The Prophet wept and when the people saw the weeping of Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h) they all wept. He said, “Will you listen? Allah does not punish for shedding tears, nor for the grief of the heart but he punishes or bestows His Mercy because of this.” He pointed to his tongue and added, “The deceased is punished for the wailing of his relatives over him.” ‘Umar used to beat with a stick and throw stones and put dust over the faces (of those who used to wail over the dead).

Crying is well known; it refers to tears from the eyes.

As for wailing, according to the scholars has to do with words and sounds that come from the woman or man who is wailing. The words referred to here are eulogizing, listing his good qualities, keening (the well known chanting of women when they wail and lament), screaming and other well-known actions that are done by wailing women.

Some fuqaha’ say that this applies if there is also crying, and others say that it is not necessarily accompanied by crying; rather it is connected to the actions of wailing mentioned above.

In the hadeeth: it was narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubaadah fell sick and the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) came to visit him with ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqaas and ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas‘’ood (may Allah be pleased with them). When he entered upon him, he found him unconscious with his family around him and he said: “Has he died?” They said: No, O Messenger of Allaah. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) wept, and when the people saw the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) weeping, they also wept. He said: “Listen, Allaah does not punish for the tears of the eye or the grief of the heart, rather He punishes for this” – and he pointed to his tongue – “or shows mercy (because of it).”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1304; Muslim, 924

It was narrated that Usaamah ibn Zayd said: We were with the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and one of his daughters sent word to him, calling him and informing him that a child of hers – or a son of hers – was dying. He said to the messenger: “Go back to her and tell her that to Allaah belongs that which He has taken, and to Him belongs what He gives, and everything has an appointed time with Him. Tell her to be patient and seek reward.” Then the messenger came back and said: “She is adjuring you to come to her.” The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) got up, and Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubaadah and Mu‘adh ibn Jabal got up with him, and I went with them. The child was lifted up to him and his soul was rattling like water poured into a waterskin. His eyes filled with tears and Sa‘d said to him: What is this, O Messenger of Allaah? He said: “This is compassion that Allaah has instilled in the hearts of His slaves. Allaah only shows mercy to the merciful ones among His slaves.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1284; Muslim, 923

An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

What this means is that Sa‘d thought that all kinds of crying or weeping were haraam, and that tears from the eye are haraam, and he thought that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) had forgotten that, so he reminded him. But the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) taught him that simply crying or shedding tears from the eye is not haraam or makrooh; rather it is mercy and a virtue. What is haraam is wailing and lamenting and crying that is accompanied by both or one of them. End quote.

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 392:

Narrated Aisha:

When the news of the martyrdom of Zaid bin Haritha, Ja’far and ‘Abdullah bin Rawaha came, the Prophet sat down looking sad, and I was looking through the chink of the door. A man came and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! The women of Ja’far,” and then he mentioned their crying . The Prophet (p.b.u.h) ordered h im to stop them from crying. The man went and came back and said, “I tried to stop them but they disobeyed.” The Prophet (p.b.u.h) ordered him for the second time to forbid them. He went again and came back and said, “They did not listen to me, (or “us”: the sub-narrator Muhammad bin Haushab is in doubt as to which is right). ” (‘Aisha added: The Prophet said, “Put dust in their mouths.” I said (to that man), “May Allah stick your nose in the dust (i.e. humiliate you).” By Allah, you could not (stop the women from crying) to fulfill the order, besides you did not relieve Allah’s Apostle from fatigue.”

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 393:

Narrated Um ‘Atiyya:

At the time of giving the pledge of allegiance to the Prophet one of the conditions was that we would not wail, but it was not fulfilled except by five women and they are Um Sulaim, Um Al-‘Ala’, the daughter of Abi Sabra (the wife of Muadh), and two other women; or the daughter of Abi Sabra and the wife of Muadh and another woman.

Wassalam.

Handling Grief (Ahadith 1071 – 1072)

 

Bismillah.

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 372:

Narrated Anas bin Malik:

The Prophet passed by a woman who was weeping beside a grave. He told her to fear Allah and be patient. She said to him, “Go away, for you have not been afflicted with a calamity like mine.” And she did not recognize him. Then she was informed that he was the Prophet. So she went to the house of the Prophet and there she did not find any guard. Then she said to him, “I did not recognize you.” He said, “Verily, the patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.”

Yeah, re-read that last line and memorize it!

Volume 2, Book 23, Number 373:

Narrated Usama bin Zaid:

The daughter of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) sent (a messenger) to the Prophet requesting him to come as her child was dying (or was gasping), but the Prophet returned the messenger and told him to convey his greeting to her and say: “Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world) and so she should be patient and hope for Allah’s reward.” She again sent for him, swearing that he should come. The Prophet got up, and so did Sad bin ‘Ubada, Muadh bin Jabal, Ubai bin Ka’b, Zaid bin Thabit and some other men. The child was brought to Allah’s Apostle while his breath was disturbed in his chest (the sub-narrator thinks that Usama added: ) as if it was a leather water-skin. On that the eyes of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) started shedding tears. Sad said, “O Allah’s Apostle! What is this?” He replied, “It is mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves, and Allah is merciful only to those of His slaves who are merciful (to others).

Imagine a grandfather saying that about his grandchild:

Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world) and so she should be patient and hope for Allah’s reward.

Does it mean he didn’t love the kid? Does it mean he didn’t care for him/her? No, it simply means he was being realistic. He wanted his daughter to be patient when the calamity strikes, i.e., when the child dies. She should remember the reward that Allah has promised on being patient.

And yet, when he took the child in his own hands, his eyes began to tear up. And now the companion asks him why he’s crying when he was telling his daughter to be patient just a while ago? And he tells him it’s mercy. Allah has put mercy in our hearts so we feel the pain of others.

Point is, it’s not wrong to cry while going through a tough situation. It’s our tongue and other body parts that we need to hold back. Not saying anything that denotes ungratefulness and not doing anything of the sort. THAT’s patience.

Wassalam.