By Madiha Nabeel
Like every mother I go to bed tired or exhausted or sometimes a bit of both. After serving dinner, doing dishes, preparing lunches, feeding kids, changing kids, putting kids to bed and praying `Ishaa etc., I reach for the bed to end the day. My body needs rest and my mind runs through a list of tasks and tries to organize, prioritize and sort them for the day ahead. But I make it, day in and day out, through school days and weekends, sick days and celebrations, I try to make it. Taking one day at a time. But once the dust of tasks and duties settles and the kids are fast asleep, I can finally hear nothing but my conscious and the self checklist begins (provided that I didn’t pass out by then). The list is long for us mothers because we check whether we did the necessary tasks and whether we did them right? And then did our kids do the right things and did they do them right?
It is when I can see the flaws and take notes for self like I am not serving enough iron rich food nowadays, for example, and from now on I will try to let my kid dress herself etc.
Having painted a regular day ending to you let me share two more pictures from the Quran with you:
قُلْ هَلْ نُنَبِّئُكُم بِٱلْأَخْسَرِينَ أَعْمَٰلًا
Say, [O Muhammad], “Shall we [believers] inform you of the greatest losers as to [their] deeds?
ٱلَّذِينَ ضَلَّ سَعْيُهُمْ فِى ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا وَهُمْ يَحْسَبُونَ أَنَّهُمْ يُحْسِنُونَ صُنْعًا
[They are] those whose effort is lost in worldly life, while they think that they are doing well in work.”
أُولَٰٓئِكَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا بِئَايَٰتِ رَبِّهِمْ وَلِقَآئِهِۧ فَحَبِطَتْ أَعْمَٰلُهُمْ فَلَا نُقِيمُ لَهُمْ يَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَٰمَةِ وَزْنًا
Those are the ones who disbelieve in the verses of their Lord and in [their] meeting Him, so their deeds have become worthless; and We will not assign to them on the Day of Resurrection any importance.
And the second picture from Al-Ghashiyah
وُجُوهٌ يَوْمَيِذٍ خَـشِعَةٌ
تَصْلَى نَاراً حَامِيَةً
Some faces, that Day will be humiliated. Laboring, weary. They will enter in the hot blazing Fire. (88:2-4)
So on the day of judgement there will be some groups of people who will be waiting for the result of the worldly test and they will be tired and exhausted. The effort and struggle they did will be evident on their faces but the result will not something expected. They will not be rejoicing rather they will be overcome with regret and guilt. Imagine them like a champion on a losing team who made all the right efforts but targeted the wrong goal. Looking at their effort weighing nothing, looking at hell screaming in rage in front of them, they will realize they did terribly wrong.
So let’s do one thing when we go to bed. Let’s check whether we have made at least some effort in the right direction. This is the thought that changed my Duas. Now I pray, ‘oh Allah make me tired on the right path’. Because the older you get the more you accept the fact that this world is a test and not paradise. Also it is not meant to be paradise but like a test center it presents you with situations to test and record your answers. So you seriously start working out the solution to the test.
Guest post by Madiha Akhtar
Once my husband said, “Whenever you find yourself in a conservation, try to take something beneficial from it, something that can help you”. I know it sounds philosophical but the application that I saw him practice is what makes this a golden rule to live by. Let me explain further with examples.
I went to visit my grandparents and my husband accompanied me. After asking the usual questions of “how are you and kids, health, job” etc., my grandfather started to talk about his travel experiences. Right after that my husband asked him, “What do you think was their greatest strength and weakness?”. I looked at his face and then at my grandfather’s and was totally indulged in the way my grandfather explained what he found key to their success. A whole new paradigm of discussion opened up which was both interesting and beneficial.
So here is how he does it. In every gathering he asks questions which are related to the topic as well as the knowledge of the audience. This is the ultimate trick to learn from others’ years of experience. Let me share with you some more examples.
In a gathering of moms you can ask the question, “What is the single most important thing that one can give to their children?” or to a grandmother, “What is the one thing you never compromised on when it came to your children?”.
When accompanied by someone who loves cooking , “What is the simplest yet nutritious dish you make?”. In a group of friends, “How do you handle the situation when your husband is angry but you don’t know the cause?”.
So my dear friends, this is the key to learning. Now I enjoy having conversations and even making small talk with strangers when waiting in a queue or reception as I have found a way to tap others’ wisdom. Lastly, I will add just one more thing that most of the sins related to tongue are because of excessive talking and sometimes to avoid an awkward silence in the drawing room, we end up talking uselessly. SO THINK AHEAD!
Hadith no. 2156 (below) is a repeat. Read it here.
Volume 3, Book 43, Number 659:
Aisha (radiallaahu `anhaa) said that she hung a curtain decorated with pictures (of animates) on a cupboard. The Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) tore that curtain and she turned it into two cushions which remained in the house for the Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) to sit on.
Volume 3, Book 43, Number 660:
Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin Al-‘As (radiallaahu `anhu):
I heard the Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) saying, “Whoever is killed while protecting his property then he is a martyr.”
The Muslim is obliged to defend himself and his family from any aggressor. He should ward him off with the slightest means, but if the assailant cannot be warded off except by killing, then it is permissible for the one who is being attacked to kill him, and he is not subject to retaliation (qisaas) and he does not have to pay any blood money (diyah) or offer any expiation (kafaarah), because sharee’ah has given him permission to kill in this case, and the slain aggressor is threatened with Hell, whereas the victim of aggression, if he is killed, is a martyr (shaheed) in sha Allaah. It makes no difference whether the aggressor is a Muslim or a kaafir.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, what do you think if a man comes wanting to take my property? He said: “Do not give him your property.” He said: What if he fights me? He said: “Fight him.” He said: What if he kills me? He said: “Then you will be a martyr.” He said: What if I kill him? He said: “He will be in Hell.” Narrated by Muslim (140).
It was narrated that Sa’eed ibn Zayd (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who is killed defending his wealth is a martyr, the one who is killed defending his family is a martyr, the one who is killed defending his religion is a martyr, and the one who is killed defending his life is a martyr.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1421), al-Nasaa’i (4095), Abu Dawood (4772); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel (708).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The Sunnah and scholarly consensus are agreed that if a Muslim assailant cannot be warded off except by killing him, then he may be killed, even if the wealth that he wants to take is a small amount, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in the saheeh hadeeth: “The one who is killed defending his wealth is a martyr, the one who is killed defending his life is a martyr, and the one who is killed defending his womenfolk is a martyr…” Fighting off an assailant is established in the Sunnah and by scholarly consensus. End quote.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (28/540, 541).
In al-Rawd al-Murabbi’ (p. 677) it says:
If a person or one of his womenfolk, such as his mother, daughter, sister or wife, is attacked, or his property, whether a slave or an animal, is attacked, then he has the right to defend that by the least means that he thinks will ward off the attack. If he is able to ward it off with the least means then it is haraam for him to do more than that because there is no need for it.
If he cannot ward off the attacker except by killing him, then he may do that, i.e., kill the assailant, and he is not liable for that, because he killed him to ward off his evil. End quote.
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (may Allaah preserve him) said:
The one who is attacked by someone who wants to kill him or attack his womenfolk such as his mother, daughter, sister or wife and violate their honour, or is attacked by someone who wants to take or destroy his property, has the right to defend himself against that, whether the attacker is a human or an animal. He should ward it off with the least that he thinks most likely will be able to ward it off, because if he is not allowed to defend himself that will lead to destruction and harm against himself or his womenfolk or his wealth, and because if he did not do that, people would overpower one another. If he cannot ward off the assailant except by killing him, then he has the right to do that, and he is not liable, because he killed him in order to ward off his evil. If the victim is killed then he is a martyr because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a person’s wealth is sought unlawfully and he fights and is killed, then he is a martyr.” Narrated by Muslim and others from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him). And he said: A man came and said: O Messenger of Allaah, what do you think if a man comes wanting to take my property? … and he narrated the hadeeth quoted above.
Al-Mulakhkhas al-Fiqhi (2/443).
The person who is attacked should not hasten to kill the assailant until after he has exhausted other means of warding him off, such as reminding him of Allaah, scaring him and threatening him, seeking help from other people, or seeking the help of the police. But he may hasten to kill him if he fears that the aggressor is about to kill him.
It was narrated from Qaboos ibn Mukhaariq that his father said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: What if a man comes to me wanting to take my wealth? He said: “Remind him of Allaah.” He said: What is he pays no heed? He said: “Seek help against him from those who are around you of the Muslims.” He said: What if there are no Muslims around me? He said: “Then seek help against him from the ruler.” He said: What if the ruler is faraway from me? He said: Then fight him to defend your wealth, until you become one of the martyrs in the Hereafter or you protect your wealth.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i (4081) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i.
This applies if it is proven that he killed him in self-defence with evidence such as the testimony of witnesses, or if the heirs of the slain person believe that he killed him in self-defence, or if there is strong circumstantial evidence to indicate that, such as if the slain person was known for evil and corruption, and he threatened to kill him – for example – in front of other people and so on.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If this person admits to killing him and claims that he did it in self-defence but the heir of the slain person does not believe him, then qisaas (retaliation) must be carried out. It says in al-Insaaf: this is our view, and the view of our companions. But if the slain person was known for aggression and evildoing, and there is circumstantial evidence that points to what the killer is saying, then it says in al-Insaaf: it says in al-Furoo’: No qisaas is required if he is known for evildoing. I say: This is the correct view, and circumstantial evidence should be taken into account. End quote.
Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn Ibraaheem (11/255, 256)
Taken from IslamQA
Volume 3, Book 31, Number 189:
Narrated Abu Juhaifa (radiallaahu `anhu):
The Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) made a bond of brotherhood between Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) and Abu Ad-Darda (radiallaahu `anhu). Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) paid a visit to Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) and found Um Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhaa) dressed in shabby clothes and asked her why she was in that state. She replied, “Your brother Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) is not interested in (the luxuries of) this world.” In the meantime Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) came and prepared a meal for Salman (radiallaahu `anhu). Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) requested Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) to eat (with him), but Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) said, “I am fasting.” Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) said, “I am not going to eat unless you eat.” So, Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) ate(with Salman). When it was night and (a part of the night passed), Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) got up (to offer the night prayer), but Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) told him to sleep and Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) slept. After sometime Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) again got up but Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) told him to sleep. When it was the last hours of the night, Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) told him to get up then, and both of them offered the prayer. Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) told Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu), “Your Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you; so you should give the rights of all those who has a right on you.” Abu Ad-Darda’ (radiallaahu `anhu) came to the Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) and narrated the whole story. The Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) said, “Salman (radiallaahu `anhu) has spoken the truth.”
This Hadith has a lot to learn from. It teaches you to be concerned about others, to give them the right advice at the right time. It teaches you wisdom and balance. Most of all, it teaches you to give everything and everyone their due right, including your own self. In the process of ‘killing’ your nafs, you might start overlooking your basic needs and rights – physical, mental and spiritual. The solution is in finding balance, not overdoing anything be it worship or any other activity.
The concept is very simple, yet some people might find it hard to practice. And I’m unable to do justice to the explanation, as always. :/
The purpose is to get the message across, and Allah is our Helper. :)
Narrated Abu Huraira (radiallaahu `anhu):
Allah’s Apostle (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) said, “By Him in Whose Hand my life is, it is better for anyone of you to take a rope and cut the wood (from the forest) and carry it over his back and sell it (as a means of earning his living) rather than to ask a person for something and that person may give him or not.”
Narrated Az-Zubair bin Al’Awwam (radiallaahu `anhu):
The Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) said, “It is better for anyone of you to take a rope (and cut) and bring a bundle of wood (from the forest) over his back and sell it and Allah will save his face (from the Hell-Fire) because of that, rather than to ask the people who may give him or not.”
It’s better to work as a wood-cutter/seller than ask someone for financial help. Prophet (sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam) is encouraging self-help here. And looking at his life, we see how he used to do his own work instead of asking others for help. So it’s not just about money. It’s more general than that. Whatever it is that you CAN do yourself, it’s better that you do do it yourself.
Ruling on beggary covered here.